Wednesday, October 1, 2014

broken vessel

Has it really been that long since my last post?

I have missed this little place.  I assure you every day I think, "Ohhh, I should write about that," or "I should really share that."  And then the day comes and goes in a flash and at the end of it all I want to do is veg out for a bit.  I have finally gotten into a groove with my new job and balancing my other job, however there seems to always be something new to be slightly overwhelmed about.  If you've ever been a first year teacher, you know what I mean.

The last couple days I've been struggling with myself.  Yes, with me.  There's this picture in my head of the teacher I want to be, but the reality of the teacher I really am does not line up.  I am more impatient than I know I should be.  I allow one class to frustrate me so much that I don't give the next class my full joy.  I make many mistakes and I would love to go back and redo some of my decisions.  I suppose this is a taste of what it's like to be a mom... Feeling like you are far from the mother you envision yourself being.  Wishing you could go back and do something differently with a particular child...  I probably can't yet fully imagine all the feelings of inadequacy that mothers experience.

Here's what I do know:

I know that this continual struggle we feel (not just teachers or moms, but everyone) of not measuring up and not being who we would like to be reminds us in a painful but beckoning way that we are human and we are desperate for a Savior's hand to guide us, break us, mold us, and make us new. 

 When I look back through my prayer journal, I see a common thread... I request again and again for God to break me.  It's what I want - to be broken and wrecked of my selfishness and be restored with the humility, grace, and kindness of Christ.  While I ask for brokenness, I know it comes at a price, and it's painful.  It means dying… Letting go of myself and clinging to Jesus like my life depends on it, because it does.

He raises the broken to life.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

a few things...

He sleeps like this all the time.  Total abandon.  Makes me smile.

That time at the Melting Pot when I took a picture and he wasn't ready for the flash.

My grandmother recently made each of her grandchildren a quilt, and we could request whatever details we wanted. (She's so awesome.)  I decided to go with grey and white chevron to keep things neutral and so that I could pair it with different things/decor/rooms for years to come.  I love how it turned out, and I love it on our guest bed!

My sweet friend painted this for my classroom.  It sits on my desk and I love it!


My little guitar up against my piano.  I use it every day at the end of class for our goodbye song.
My friend found that guitar deserted on a college campus and took it home and restored it.  I bet he didn't know it would eventually be used to teach hundreds of little kiddos how to sing.

I really love my new teaching job.  Sure, it has its challenging moments, but the joy those kids bring me and the delight music brings them… oh my, it fills my heart.  For many of the children, music class is a release.  I love being able to provide that for them.

And just a few of my favorite student comments so far:

"You sing like Elsa!"

"You look fifteen." (I tell them I'm 30.) "Oh.  My mom is thirty."

Me: "Class, what instrument family do these belong to?"
Student: "They belong to God."
Can't argue with that.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

and so the craziness begins...

NY&Co. dress, H&M shoes

So, just a couple weeks ago I was offered a job as an elementary school music teacher!  We start next week, and I still have so much to do.  Last night I led a worship event at our church, which I spent much of the week preparing for.  I'm a little less overwhelmed now that that's over, but when I think of all I need to do between now and next Wednesday, my head swims a little.

Nonetheless, I am excited, scared, nervous, and hopeful about this new job.  While I know it will be hard, I know it will be a blessing to make music with little kiddos.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

this is my heart

This blog really only conveys little bits and pieces of my life and heart.

A friend of mine composed this creative gift, and I want to share it with you and let you know that this, THIS is my heart...

Thank you, Jackson Photography.

I am forever grateful of God entrusting me to lead worship at my church, no matter how long this journey may last.  His love is so real and extravagant, and I know when I watch this that He has lavished it on me.

This is my heart.  My heart is crying out 'thank you' and 'I love you' to the One who saves us from ourselves and makes our souls fly to something greater.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

LW films

Check out my husband's website here.

He is super talented.  If you ever need a video made, please keep him in mind.

Friday, July 4, 2014

let freedom ring

No, I didn't go dark again… I ran across this 4th of July pic from a couple years ago.  And I still laugh!

Happy Independence Day!

Monday, June 30, 2014

Pirate shirt

Luke cracks me up with his comments on my clothes.  As soon as he saw this blouse, he said I looked like a pirate.

H&M shirt, Old Navy shorts (old), NY&Co. sandals (old)